So, we are here. Today’s the day. Hayden’s first day at school.
How do I feel?
That first look at him in his school uniform made me gulp back a bit of a lump in my throat. But I waved him off just like I would have done when he went to pre school before the summer.
I wasn’t desperate to be the one to take him.
He wouldn’t let me take a picture of him.
I didn’t cry.
I wrote a post just before the summer about Hayden not being ready to start school. And whilst I do still stand by that post. I know he is more than ready.
Developmentally and emotionally, he needs school. He needs routine, he needs educating and constant engagement. Being a mum to two others it isn’t always easy to give him all of that, all of the time.
At home he flits from one activity to the other, yet at school he is happy to stay still for a while. He will not use the toilet at home, yet at school he will ask to go. He is territorial and likes his own company at home, yet at school he will welcome interaction (from a select few). At home he has to compete for one to one attention, yet at school he has it constantly. At home we have no autism support, yet at school there is a whole network of support.
School can give him so many things that I can’t.
I will miss him, but I also welcome the break with open arms. Like most children, he is such hard work at times. Nearly everyday this summer I (or James) have had to clean up more than one poo from the carpet, he has eaten about 7 evening meals without running in and out of the garden or upstairs, and one using cutlery. We have had early wake up calls (like 2am early!) sleepless nights, about 30 scratching incidents where he has drawn blood on Ellis and more meltdowns than we have had in a while. Once he adjusts to the school day being longer than he is used to all of the negative behaviour will reduce. Because school settles him. And when Hayden is settled he is like a different child.
A happier, more content child. That is tired by the evening, that will sit and eat breakfast at the table, that will give lots of cuddles, and be open to different things being on the TV (I am so bored of the 10 Mickey Mouse Clubhouse episodes I have had to watch repeatedly).
So yes, whilst I cant quite believe how quickly this day has come around, we are both so desperate for it.
The only picture we could get