It’s ok to question yourself from time to time 15

Recently, I have written a fair few posts that are quite personal to me, and they have had such an amazing response. My post from last week about whether Autism has turned me into a lazy parent, has been seen by a lot more people than usual and I have had some really lovely responses. Thank you. However it has got me thinking a little bit. I question my parenting capabilities way more than I should, but surely it is ok to question yourself from time to time?

qurstion yourself

Let me explain.

I consider being a mum ‘my job’. Don’t get me wrong I chose to have children, I also chose to give up my career as a restaurant manager and swap roles with James to become a stay at home mum. A choice I have struggled to adapt to, but one I love too. There is a reason people say parenting is hard ‘work’. It is the most demanding but rewarding ‘job’ in the world!

This being my ‘job’ means that I am my own boss, and I have to manage my time each and every day to make sure all the tasks that need completing are complete, I need to make sure at the end of the day I have three clean, happy sleeping boys and a fridge stocked with wine.

But with every job, comes that dreaded time of year. The appraisal or performance review. As an employee and an employer it was a huge task that took weeks to get through, but was necessary. Everyone needs to know how they are doing and how they can improve. I needed to know whether I was considered successful in my role as a manager using a selection of criteria. Why should being a stay at home mum be any different?

Yes, I do my best by my children. I manage every day to the best of my abilities. But sometimes, my best isn’t enough. And that’s ok.

It isn’t me thinking I am not good enough but every now and again the boundaries adjust and I don’t always change my tactics quickly enough. Causing stress, upset and tantrums. Something we all want to avoid. As with the professional world, strategies and ways to grow need reflection, and analysing, to allow you to improve and continue having success. Just use the rise in social media as an example. Companies had to change their marketing strategies to keep themselves ahead of the game. Ten years ago, social media was a tiny part of a strategy, now it has to be at the forefront.

As our children grow, their needs and wants change. As new things come up (such as Hayden’s autism) we have to work on ways to improve how we do things. A system we used previously may now be completely ineffective.

All three of my children are still very young, but now Kinley is walking, us all living in one room for much of the day isn’t possible, Kinley wants to explore the house, he wants to be mobile and learn about the world around him, yet Ellis and Hayden both need (very different) interaction too. The way I parent needs to change with that. I still have to dress Hayden, so I automatically do it for Ellis, yet yesterday he managed to put on his own jumper and shoes. Something I should be allowing and probably pushing him to do on a daily basis.

The things I did 6 months ago to make my life easier are no longer needed. I have to adapt to their needs and questioning my abilities as they grow is not a bad thing.

Self judgement is not unhealthy. In my opinion it is an integral part of parenting.


Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday

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15 thoughts on “It’s ok to question yourself from time to time

  • Mommy's Little Princesses

    I question myself often too. It just goes to show that questioning yourself isn’t always a bad thing. Sometimes just like you have pointed out it is necessary as it helps us to grow and better ourselves. Keep up the good work hon. Xx #KCACOLS

  • A Moment with Franca

    You are right Clare we should questioning ourselves as that is the only way we can move forward to the next stage. Our kids grow very fast and we have to be changing our routines all the time so we are always worried that we are doing a good job. Being a parent is not easy at all as you need a lot of instinct if you know what I mean but with love we can make things work at the end! I also agree that the fact that you are questioning yourself as a parent makes you a good parent!! Thanks so much for sharing this at #KCACOLS. I would love to see you again on Sunday! 🙂 x

  • Mummy Lala (Laura)

    I’m constantly questioning myself. I think being a stay at home parents makes you question yourself even more as you only have yourself to rely on during the day (when the other half is at work).

    I think we’d be more worried if we didn’t question ourselves.

    Your a brilliant parent and you’re doing a great job.

    Laura x

  • Mum in Brum

    It is so true that as our children grow, we are constantly having to adapt and change the way we ‘parent’. Sometimes I don’t realise how much my daughter has advanced because I’m still doing things for her and then suddenly one day I’ll realise she can do that thing herself. It’s the same with routines which are always changing and you have to constantly look out for new clues as to nap times etc. I think questioning ourselves is what makes us great parents in the end 🙂 #KCACOLS

  • Rachel (Lifeathomewithmrsb)

    I think it’s only natural we question ourselves as parents. Miss C is causing me to do exactly that lately because she is changing, growing up and entering those teenage years soon so her emotional state is all over the place. I am having to find and try other ways of helping her deal with this plus be her mum who has to remind her of the rules and boundaries. Just when you think all is going smoothly, something changes again!

  • Laura's Lovely Blog

    This is very true and I think the very fact you question yourself as a parent makes you a good parent. Because you want to be better and not just always accept things as they are and be the best for your child. But we all struggle some days and feel like we are going stir crazy because it is such an intense 24/7 job.

  • laura dove

    Such an interesting post and this really resonates with me. We are currently in the system waiting on my daughter reaching an age where CAHMS will assess her and I do think that we have a long road ahead. I question myself as a parent most days right now, and feel very alone at times with it all, but I just have to remind myself that I am doing the best I can do. Even if it sometimes doesn’t feel good enough! Thank you for sharing. #KCACOLS

  • Robyn

    Questioning our approach to parenting is the only way to stay current with our kids’ needs. They’re changing all the time and if we keep doing the same old thing it will eventually stop working. Don’t our children have a great way of letting us know when they’ve outgrown our strategies?! #kcacols

  • Aimee Foster

    Another great, thought provoking post Clare. I agree that it’s a good thing to question ourselves as our children grow and their needs change. Parenting is a learning process and and we do need to conduct our own performance reviews in order to grow and learn as our children grow too xx

  • Gemma @ A Gem's Life

    Questioning ourselves as a parent is so important, we need to find what works for us as individuals and as a family but also to find the lovely happy balance. I can be awful at questioning myself at times. I suppose it just comes with how good or bad our days have been!

    Gemma xx

  • Lindsay At Newcastle Family Life

    I question myself all the time, I have been a mum for 13 years and I find that the goal posts are always changing as my children grow and life changes. I always think that as long as we try are best and are children know we are loved then that is all that really matters xx

  • Angela at Daysinbed

    Being a mum is a job and it’s the most important of all jobs. I agree it is okay to question ourselves. For me I do this a little too much especially when I’m overtired and I’ll but if we do it in moderation it can’t harm us!

  • Mummymelton

    I think it’s about having balance, constantly doubting or judging yourself is not healthy but I think it is important to do it. Like you say I think it’s about developing yourself and reflecting on whats gone well and what hasn’t. Life isn’t easy, it isn’t black and white. We can’t be 100% all the time xx

  • Sarah HP

    This is a great message it’s not about beating yourself up but evolving and adapting which is a really healthy thing. I always find when my kids are going a bit crazy with one thing it often helps to take a step back and think are they too grown up to do things this way (for example when they were being little monkeys about staying in their high chairs I realised that they were too old not to be sat at the table).