Well, we have reached my 100th post. Which is quite a big deal for me. I don’t generally stick to things for very long, so reaching this milestone means a lot to me. And I wanted to write a memorable post to mark the occasion.
When thinking about what to write for my 100th post, I didn’t really know which way to go, but it felt right to go back to the subject that got me blogging in the first place. Hayden.
Again, I struggled about what to talk about. But I thought I would actually finish a post I started months and months ago, but was never brave enough to finish let alone publish.
You often hear parents make that claim “I wouldn’t want him any other way” (or her of course!). Usually after a negative sentence, such as he drives me insane, but i wouldn’t want him any other way. Or he has been a nightmare but I wouldn’t want him any other way.
You find it happens more often when a parent has a child with special needs or some kind of medical condition.
It bothers me
I’m sorry, whilst we accept sometimes our children are different, and have different difficulties. You wouldn’t want them any other way? Well of course you would!
You would prefer your child to not have those difficulties surely!?
Or maybe that sentence is genuine from some. But not one you will ever hear leave my lips.
Hayden is my gorgeous son, who I love no matter what hurdles we have to face through our lives.
If I was to say I wouldn’t want him any other way I would be lying.
I want a conversation, I want to feel like I have done him proud in his early years, but I have a little boy starting school that is yet to talk, yet to be potty trained, yet to dress himself, yet to understand that a plaster will stop his blisters hurting.
I want to hear him tell me he loves me, I want to be able to take him out of the house without being worried that he will be bothered by the amount of people present. I want him to enjoy days out without being bored within 3 minutes.
I want to be 8 weeks into potty training with having more than 4 stickers on his reward chart.
I don’t want to worry that in a few years time the kids that are his classmates will realise he is ‘different’
I don’t want to worry about him being bullied because he can’t accept new relationships.
I want to know one day he will leave home, have a girlfriend, have his own children.
Along with every parent I know, I want the best for him.
I want him to be happy & successful.
I want him to live a ‘normal’ life.
That doesn’t make me a bad mum surely?!
Yes, I accept Autism is a part of Hayden, and something that will remain with us for life, but he would still be my gorgeous, funny, intelligent, affectionate little boy with or without it. And I certainly wish he didn’t have to battle with this through his entire life. And I am not sorry for saying that.