I seem to have lost it somewhere in the last 5 years!
When I am talking about ‘my oomph’ there is actually a lot I could mean.
My drive to be a great manager, mother, wife and all the other things I have put my mind to over the years, my passion for writing (a new oomph). My love of laughter. My ‘take it as it comes’ attitude. So many things have come and gone over the years. Some I am definitely glad to see the back of and some things I really miss.
Like the oomph to get myself looking and feeling good and getting out and about.
I have never been obsessed by appearance, have never felt the need to diet or go on a healthy eating, or no alcohol kick. I have never been bothered if I leave the house without make up, and if my hair was a mess it just went up into a bun. And I have never looked in the mirror and felt too negative about the reflection. Until now that is.
I have also never been a massive ‘outdoor’ person. I don’t think I would consider myself lazy but I am much happier snuggled in a blanket with a film or a book (or lets face it, a glass of wine) than going on a 5 mile hike. Something that I haven’t really improved on since becoming a mum. But really should for the sake of my boys. Especially as they love the outdoors.
I think the two go hand in hand a little. I’m not going to want to get out and about if I look and feel a mess and I have allowed myself to slide down a slippery slope of staying in most days, being driven crazy by 2 energetic boys. Not having the energy to make myself something decent to eat because I am stressed out with the aforementioned children and use the last of my energy putting them back to bed ten times an evening. Pulling out the laptop at 10pm to try and get some writing done. Going to bed late. And waking up with no energy to get up and out. It is a vicious cycle.
Over time I have used many excuses not to get up in the morning and take the monkeys out for the day on my own.
I don’t drive so cant get anywhere
Taking 3 under 5 out anywhere alone is impossible
What if Hayden reacts badly to his surroundings?
I cant take them to the beach because of the pushchair on the sand
That walk will make my feet hurt (I really do have bad feet!)
I realise they are lame excuses and actually it all boils down to me. I just haven’t got the motivation, energy or confidence to deal with a what if? A runaway child. A stressed mummy. A nappy explosion in the middle of a park. A comment about how disobedient my children can sometimes be.
The thought of it actually brings me close to tears?
Because at the moment I have no ‘oomph’. No self belief, a lack of confidence and no drive to do things. Is this a result of my previous depression battle that has come to light now because I am the one at home all the time?
I really don’t know, but I do realise I need to snap out of it pretty damn quickly!
Since their arrival my boys always have been and always will be my entire life! But I have always had other things, such as work to hide this side of me. I was ‘tired from work’ I had ‘more work to do’ and there was always an excuse I could use to make sure the issue never really showed itself. Well now its standing there right in front of me waiting for me to physically move it out of the way! And I have to. For myself, my monkey’s and that beautiful man I call my husband.
A couple of weeks ago the lovely Hannah over at the blog Mums’ Days launched her new ‘Fit Club’ (check it out here, it really is great). Doing the nice thing, I read it and tweeted her saying it was a fantastic idea, which it is! She is unbelievably inspiring. She tweeted back a polite thanks and then came the question…”have you got a summer fitness goal?” Ha! No! My reply was a little more polite than that, but I haven’t stopped thinking about it since. I haven’t got a fitness goal. Jeez I cant even bring myself to take my children out, let alone get fit! But I think its about time I set myself some personal goals to get over this horrible little demon that is stopping me giving my boys the best I can!
I have thought about it really hard, and the goals I have come up with aren’t difficult and they aren’t all necessarily directed at taking the children out. I need to start slowly. If I sit here and say I will be taking my children out 3 times a week by the summer holidays, I know I will fail and feel pretty shit about it, so I am going to start with ME!
I am the most important person in the initial stage of this process, I need to find ME again!
For me to achieve anything, I have to have it written down, if its not written down it doesn’t happen. But then I am a bit of a nightmare, 3 weeks into whatever I am doing, I start to slip a little bit and before you know it, I am back to square one again, whether that be meal plans, James’ day off plans, financial planning etc.
So I have decided I am going to share this journey with you guys! I don’t really care if anyone reads it, but if I have someone (one single person) expecting something from me, I hate to let them down. And you lovely readers are that someone.
Tomorrow morning I am going to publish a set of goals for the next 2 weeks, I will then update you in 2 weeks and set new goals for the following fortnight. And it will continue until I feel I am ready to stop!
The goals themselves may sound really pointless, but they are all part of a bigger journey. To get rid of this horrible cloud over me!
Welcome to project “Find My Oomph!”
I would really, really love your support!
Check back in the morning for my first set of goals.
If you would like to get involved and have some personal goals of your own, then please feel free to get in touch either here on the blog or through one of the social media channels on the right hand side (below if you are on your mobile!) It would be a little dream come true knowing I was inspiring someone else at the same time!
Fingers crossed ladies and gents